The Idiot Chronicles
by ShotgunOpera13
Summary: This is just a collection of stories that include the Outsiders and bash Twilight.  So, come on.  Warnings in the chapter.  NO FLAMES
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Alright I am back with pierced lips! Woo! And I didn't cry. Go me. So now tomorrow is my birthday so why don't you go ahead and say "Happy Birthday!" Thank you. Also, this is a collection of random stories, all humor and mostly The Outsiders and bashing Twilight. So Twilight fans, get the hell out of here!

This one is the Outsiders, though.

Warnings:  
1. Complete stupidity.  
2. Pony is probably high.  
3. Abrasive language.  
4. Abuse of Cartoons.  
5. Perversion. MWAHAHA I'M EVIL.

It was Darry's 23rd birthday. Soda and Pony had spent the entire day running around the house getting ready for the surprise party they had planned. As soon as Darry left for work, they started up.

FLASHBACK

"Haha, I'm beating you Soda!" Ponyboy yelled as he ran though the house. Soda was behind him, wheezing away.

"Of course I am….you idiot….I'm not….a track runner….like you" Soda managed to pant. He decided that he had run enough for one day and began walking. Eventually Pony slowed too.

They finished the decorations and went to work on the cake. It would ne vanilla with vanilla icing. Darry had decided to make a change in the usual chocolate on chocolate. The two nearly burned the house down by the end of the day. The cake ended up being a sickly green color, instead of the white that they had planned on. All thanks to Soda, of course.

"Soda! The goddamn cake is GREEN." Pony complained. It would be a cold day in hell when Pony cursed in front of Darry, but with Soda, it was fine.

"All in a day's work little bro." Soda replied as they walked to the living room to relax and watch TV.

END FLASHBACK

Now Darry was sitting in the kitchen eating his cake. Soda had gone out about an hour ago, so it was just him and Pony. A very dangerous thing.

"So. Darry. You're getting old." Pony said nonchalantly as he walked into the room.

"Am not"

"Yeah you are, and uh, pretty soon, you'll need Viagra." With this, Pony burst into a fit of laughter.

Darry stood up from his chair, angrily knocking it over. He was not getting old! Hell, no!

"So Darry, you want me to order off those commercials for you," Pony asked, "And don't forget; an erection lasting for more than 4 hours means that you need to go to the hospital." Pony laughed again as Darry chased him into the living room.

"Ehh, what's up doc?" Looney Tunes was turned on and Bugs Bunny gave his famous line. That just made Pony laugh even harder.

"Well, I don't know what is, but I know what ain't!" Pony yelled. Darry just turned redder and "playfully" (as he put it when testifying to Soda why their brother was passed out on the floor) choked Pony.

A/N: Well what do you think? The next one is gonna be Twilight, involving a meat grinder, "sausage" and Edward Cullen's dick…I'm never gonna want sausage again, and neither are you. Anyway: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEI, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! *CHA CHA CHA*

Oh, and (since I probably won't be on ) Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, etc, etc.


	2. Rainbow Crappers

A/N: Alright I am back! Thank you to ., GrimmSistah, YayGerardWay, teenkid2010, and my good friend Valentine Thornton for their reviews. This chapter is for all the Twilight haters! Go us! Oh and I have no idea where my best buddy came up with this from, but she did, so enjoy the idiocy. ^.^

Warnings:  
1. Complete idiocy  
2. Twilight bashing  
3. Pervertedness  
4. I can't think of anything else…but…just beware

Edward Cullen wasn't rich. Nope, he was just a lunch server at Forks Hospital. One day, sausage was on the menu. And he actually had to grind the meat, poor thing. So as he was grinding the meat, he started to think about his boyfriend, Jacob. And you can guess what that meant. Well, I bet that you know what's happening next. No? Well, I'll make it multiple choice.

He'll cut his dick off in the grinder

He'll randomly get pulled into a wormhole and have his dick crushed by an asteroid

I don't know but something will happen

Well for all of you who picked C, I applaud your laziness. But the answer is A!

Edward didn't even notice when his dick got cut off (yeah, he's that high too) and just served a young man his lunch.

The young man (Jasper) sat down and ate his sausage quickly. He did notice something…off about it but paid no mind. He just went about his day.

Later that night when Jasper got home, he ran to the bathroom. At work, all the toilets had either been clogged or broken and he had to go. Unfortunately, he didn't make it. His pants ripped open and out came…a rainbow? What the fuck? Yes readers, a rainbow. He suddenly had the magical ability to shit rainbows. Amazing huh?

Well, to end it, he went to bed and woke up a rainbow-crapping unicorn. The End.

Edward: WAIT! What about my dick?

Me: Well Jasper ate it. End of story.

Edward and Jacob: o.O

Me: MWAHAHA I'M SUCH AN EVIL BITCH!

Sorry for the shortness. Next chappie: Dally's Bitch. Stay tuned, readers! Oh and by the way, does anyone need a beta. I am one, and I would be happy to beta anything! And I do mean anything! Oh and I need a beta, so anyone who is willing, just message me or review this.


	3. Dally's Bitch

Chapter 3: Dally's Bitch

A/N: I am sooooooooo sorry about the hiatus. First my dad died, then track season sneaked up on me and all kinds of other personal shit. Pretty much my family falling apart. Anyway, I am back now!

Ponyboy Curtis sat on the couch of watching the fiftieth episode of Mickey Mouse that day. He was ready to cry. He wanted, no needed, action. And, of course, Dally came through.

Dallas Winston walked through the door of the Curtis house without a care in the world. You see, he had a new bitch. Yeah, awesome huh? Of course, he wasn't expecting Pony to stare at him like he had grown a third eye.

"Uh…Dal? What's that?" Pony questioned. Dally grinned before answering.

"Why Pone, can't you recognize a bitch when you see one?" he was holding the leash to a poodle.

A/N: Again, shit happens and this is all my muse and time have given me. Now, off to the Unioto Invitational where I will…not throw shot or disc because I suck! Woo!


End file.
